


Matt Loves Him

by katherine1753



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Feelings, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Insecurity, Kissing, Lots and lots of kisses, M/M, Making Out, Matt is super sweet, Talking, Techie is a sad, Touching, not much angst, past emotional abuse I guess, yeah that's good
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-17
Updated: 2017-04-17
Packaged: 2018-10-19 23:22:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10650201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katherine1753/pseuds/katherine1753
Summary: Matt and Techie finally have a whole night alone together after months of schedules not lining up. Techie gets nervous about some past insecurities, but Matt helps reassure him.





	Matt Loves Him

Matt's favorite color is blue. Not the soft blue of the edge of a breathable atmosphere, and not the deep blue of the ocean planets, but the harsh blue of a glowing screen that's been on too long in a distant room, the glaring blue of a wall of too-bright flashing switches and electronic lights. The blue of Techie's eyes, to be exact.

Techie knows this because he always catches Matt staring. No, not staring, Techie reminds himself. Looking. _Admiring._ Techie had always found the whirring clicks and unearthly blue of his mech eyes to be unnerving. Unsettling. Wrong. But Matt, wonderful Matt, somehow found them beautiful and endearing in a way that Techie didn't quite understand.

Matt managed to do that about all the parts Techie hated most about himself. He said Techie's eyes reminded him of the shallow lakes of his home planet, how they reflected the moonlight so clearly he always swore he could touch it. He said Techie's hair reminded him of the triple sunset he saw once, the one he swears was the most beautiful sunset there ever could have been. He said Techie's skin was soft and smooth and that he loved touching it. He liked Techie's slenderness, his shy ways, his computer skills, his nervous habit of twisting copper into figurines. And he said all of these wonderful, nice, impossible things while giving Techie a sincere look that said Techie was his whole world.

It scares Techie in a sort of giddy-happy anxiety rush that makes him afraid to lose something so wonderful as Matt. The way Matt looks at him, talks to him, touches him...it makes him feel beautiful. It makes him feel like his flaws are nothing more than quirks, like his anxieties shrink to small annoyances, that he is _worth_ something. Which is something he had never felt before, and it scares him because new things have _always_ scared Techie.

Matt had mentioned once that he didn't know what Techie saw in him, that he was too gruff, too emotional, too much. But Techie thought that he was perfect: sweet and thoughtful and protective and kind. He loved everything about Matt. And maybe, _maybe, impossibly,_ that's how Matt saw him too. And the moment Techie had that realization, well, that had been a momentous day in his mind. If Matt, perfect Matt, could see himself in any way other than ideal, then it was, Techie supposed, entirely possible that Matt could see the best in him.

Which is why Techie felt so bad about suddenly feeling so nervous. He knew Matt loved him and Matt had told him, reassured him, that nothing would change that. And yet, there was a tiny part in the back of Techie's mind that made him full of worry with old insecurities. But he tried to block it out, because tonight, _tonight,_ their shifts lined up to have the whole night together and Techie had been looking forward to this for weeks. And he knew Matt was excited from the dozens of messages lighting up his commlink throughout the day. It had been months since their schedules lined up so perfectly. Techie had started to get used to the late nights, the bone-deep tiredness and half-hearted groping, the soft good morning kisses that doubled as goodbye for the day. But tonight, they'd have time. Much needed time.

It's just, sometimes, he got stuck thinking about the past. He didn't mean to, it didn't matter anymore, and it just served as a source of frustration. He knew Matt would never do any of the awful things that the clan had done to him back on Peachtrees, and he knew Matt would never do any of the terrible things that his past lovers did. But he often got frustrated with himself about it, for letting things go on as long as they had, for taking a slow and cautious way out, for internalizing so much of it, for not seeing things for truly how bad they were until it was too late.

Unfortunately for Techie, his nervousness tended to manifest into an almost physical thing, all-consuming and room-filling, taking the entirety of his focus. And that was how Matt found him, leaning against the back wall in their shared quarters in the dim light, picking at some loose threads on his sleeve. He hated dwelling on the past, but sometimes it got him in his weaker moments. He had been excitedly nervous, then just nervous, and then it went downhill from there.

“Hey, babe, sorry I'm a little late, I was-” Matt cut himself off as the door slid shut behind him, taking in Techie's anxious fidgeting.

“Techie? What's wrong?”

“N-nothing, nothing,” Techie sighed, trying to pull his hands away to curl further in on himself. “I'm just worried. Again. For no reason.”

“About what?” Matt asked gently. That was another thing Techie loved about Matt. He didn't argue with any of Techie's points, he _listened_. Matt not only knew how to ask or what to ask, he knew when to ask, knew when things were important. And Techie wanted to always be honest with him. He just didn't always know how to put things to words.

“That someday I won't be good enough. That I'll get too boring, or repetitive, or needy, or-”

“Whoa, whoa, Techie, slow down. Did I make you feel like that? Did I do something wrong? I swear to you, I love it when you're needy and you're never boring and-”

“No, you didn't do anything wrong, it's just me,” Techie mumbled. This was it. He needed to tell him, whether or not it made things worse. Matt deserved to know what screwed up things were happening in his head. “I...Back on Peachtrees, the ship the First Order rescued me from? There was a guy. I was with him for a while, I thought things were ok. But they weren't.” Techie sat down on the edge of the bed, not meeting Matt's eyes. He had to tell him, he had to.

“He...He'd tell me that, that I wasn't good enough and...and that when I said I loved him he said my words didn't matter since I said it often and so it lost meaning. And I don't want that to happen with you.”

“Techie...”

“I don't want you to think I don't love you. And I'd rather say it than not, because I do. I love you,” Techie met his eyes for a moment before looking back at his sleeve. “I want to tell you. And I just want to be good enough for you.”

“Of course you're good enough. You're more than enough, you're amazing, ok? And I love you too,” Matt sat next to him, pulling him into a sideways hug and resting his chin on Techie's head after pressing a little kiss to his forehead. “We don't have to do anything tonight if you don't want to.”

“I do!” Techie insisted. “I messed it up, didn't I?”

“No, no, of course not! I just don't want you to feel obligated or pressured or anything.”

“Mattie. You never make me feel like that. You're different.”

“How about this,” Matt began. “How about you decide what we do tonight. Just tell me, and we will. You know I'm open to anything.”

Techie considered it. He didn't like asking for things, but he was comfortable with Matt. “Alright,” Techie whispered. He was nervous again, but it was with a new happy excitedness creeping into the feeling.

“I...kisses?” Techie looked up hopefully.

Matt kissed the tip of Techie's nose, earning a slightly confused noise. “You're going to have to be more specific, Tech. Maybe complete sentences would work.”

Techie huffed at him. “I just really like kissing you,” he mumbled. “A lot. More would be ok,” he fidgeted with his sleeves as he shyly glanced up at Matt. “He didn't like to kiss me. He made me feel really guilty for wanting affection and it just made me feel really worthless, you know? Sorry. I...but you make me feel like maybe I'm worth something and-”

“Techie, you're worth everything,” Matt said seriously. His hands slid onto Techie's shoulders, angling him so that they were facing each other. “I love you, you know.”

“I do. I love you too.”

“Good. Because I'm going to tell you a lot. And I'm going to kiss you now.” And kiss him Matt did, Techie didn't think he'd ever been kissed so sweetly or so possessively all at once. He felt so at home in Matt's arms, leaning into him and kissing him back with all he had.

Matt leaned back, pulling Techie with him without separating their lips until they were leaning back onto the small pile of pillows Techie had accumulated during his time on the Finalizer. Techie shifted, settling down above Matt, one leg on either side of his hips. Matt's hands buried themselves in Techie's hair, bringing him back into another deep kiss.

Matt's tongue traced over Techie's lips before pressing in, gentle licks with deeper insistence behind them. Techie's hands roamed up and down Matt's arms, dragging him as close as he could get. Techie's fingers stuttered in their path whenever Matt touched a particularly sensitive place with his hands, and Techie could never get enough of Matt.

Matt's favorite kisses are soft and slow. He _loves_ all the kisses Techie has given him, and he has made sure that Techie is completely aware of that, but when he kisses Matt softly and slowly, Techie _knows_ those are Matt's favorites. Whenever he kisses Matt in his favorite way, Matt makes a tiny noise deep in his throat, soft and fragile and shy, and Techie loves being able to draw that sound out of him.

Techie was always good at figuring out what things were Matt's favorites, whether he understood why they were or not. His favorite color he figured out in about a week. His favorite food, Matt had shared that openly. His favorite kisses took Techie only twice. But Techie could never figure out what part of him that Matt likes best. Perhaps, Techie realizes, it's all of him. He certainly loves all of Matt.

Techie loves the way Matt kisses him, whether it's soft and deep and slow, or intense and fast and needy. No matter what, it's passionate. And Techie can feel Matt's love and care and want. It's those feelings that make Techie's heart flutter more than he ever thought it could, fluttering and jumping and pounding in his chest along with every movement of Matt's lips and every flick of his tongue.

He loves Matt's lips. They're soft and warm and plush. He's always been drawn to those lips. He never dreamed he'd be able to kiss them, or to have Matt want to kiss him in return. But ever since Matt confessed his feelings, Techie has had full access to those wonderful lips. And he still could never have enough. He loves kissing Matt.

And Matt's _hands._ Techie would give anything to have those hands on him in some way all the time. Matt's hands are so big and warm and gentle, even while pulling Techie possessively into his lap. His hands make Techie shiver when they trace over his freckles and scars. His hands make Techie's heart race when they run up and down his arms. They make him melt when they tighten around his shoulders or waist, pulling him tightly into Matt's safe embrace. They make him moan when they caress his thighs.

“I hate that he didn't kiss you as much as you deserved,” Matt mumbles, breaking Techie's trance and focus as he pulls back just slightly.

“Oh. Um. He...didn't really want to at all. I mean, we did, just not...” Techie sighed, thoughts jumbling in his brain.

He looked at Matt, flinching a bit in his nervousness. “You aren't mad,” he realizes.

“Oh Techie, baby, no. I could never be mad at you. It's in the past. And I hope you know that I'll try to kiss you as much as I can. You deserve to be loved and you deserve all the affection you want.”

Techie gave him a watery smile, he didn't know what to say or how to express his appreciation and love and gratitude for Matt. He rubbed at his eyes, knowing that he would be crying if he was able to. Matt kissed him again, understanding his silent response, letting Techie get lost in the intensity of the kiss.

“Is there anything you wanted to try?” Matt asked when he pulled a few millimeters away to let Techie catch his breath. “Any other kisses? More?”

“All of them?” Techie asked, pressing his lips back to Matt's as he tried to decide what to say. “And...more, um,” he hesitated, feeling his shyness begin to creep back in.

“Anything, Techie. We have all night. Just tell me. Tell me what you want. It's ok.”

“I...I'd rather,” Techie took a deep breath. “I'd rather you than me, like...I want to um. My mouth. On you. Just. Anywhere, um. Your skin. S-sorry. And. And you touching- just. Please. It's. I really like it. And if you're turned on, then I-” he paused, noticing he was barely producing sentences, his speech getting faster and more jumbled the more he went on.

“I haven't done much of this. Just with you. And I'm glad it's just you. I like when you touch me and I like when I can kiss all of you, and put my mouth on all of you,” Techie was proudly surprised at himself for managing to get his thoughts out solidly. Matt was staring at him like he was some amazing thing again. He wasn't sure if he'd ever understand how Matt sees him, but it's enough to know that he does and that Matt loves him just as much in return. “Is that ok?”

“Kriff, babe, of course it's ok. I'm glad it's you too. And I would love any and all of those things,” Matt's arms wrapped more tightly around him. “Come here,” he mumbled against Techie's neck, pulling Techie as close as he could, even though Techie was already there. 

Techie smiled, pressing kisses across Matt's forehead. Matt loves him. Techie knows this because he can feel it. He can feel it in his heart, in his mind, deep inside him, all through him. Matt's love is all-consuming, room-filling, pushing out all his anxieties and worries with reassurance and care. He knows this as sure as he knows that Matt's favorite color is blue, he knows this as sure as he knows Matt's favorite way to be kissed is softly and slowly, he knows. Matt loves him. And he loves Matt. He loves him so much that it's the most important thing on his mind. He loves Matt so much that it completely fills him. He loves Matt. And Matt loves him. And for Techie, that is everything.

 

 

 

 


End file.
